Completely untypical
by jetta-monkey
Summary: An AU fic set postHogwarts as an office sitcom, involving Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy and others! This is a subtle one, I hope. Let me know what you think.


Chapter 1

"I'm sorry" Draco drawled, "but this just isn't working."

Harry sat blankly as his mind furiously worked over what he was hearing. At last the meaning hit him in full force - his stomach felt like it had taken a nose dive off the building and his entire body seemed numb.

Draco grew impatient; a shocked silence was less than he had been hoping for.

"Well?" he almost demanded.

Harry could feel the plastic of the phone sliding around in his grip, the layer of sweat that had formed over him was making it slimy in his hands.

"But why?" His tongue felt uncomfortable in his dry mouth. "W-What was wrong with it?"

Draco launched into his 'business voice', the emotionless matter-of-fact tones that he used for talking about accounts and finances.

"It's inevitable really, I'm surprised you didn't see it coming. I'm moving up, I'm working at the MoM dictating the future for wizards everywhere - there's no time in my life at the moment for relationships, it was nice while it lasted but quite frankly I don't see it going anywhere and I've decided that it would be in the best interests of both parties to put a stop to proceedings right now." Draco couldn't help smirking at the last bit, he drew on his cigarette and relaxed back into his chair.

"I thought you were happy with me... you seemed so happy last week..."

"It's over, don't make things more difficult. It's not you it's me - you haven't changed, I have - yadda yadda yadda look I'm just going to hang up now okay, I hope you have a good life because I know I will."

"But..."

"Goodbye Pansy."

"Gin, don't!"

There was a click as the phone on the other end was hung up. Harry remained motionless, the receiver still pushed up to his ear.

Draco banged down the receiver, an odd sense of relief that it was over with. He thought he had been looking forward to ridding himself of the stupid girl, but now he just felt bored. It certainly hadn't been as fun as he thought it would have been. Flicking the cigarette away, he swivelled back round away from the window on his chair and surveyed the desk in front of him. Ministry of Magic draft directives were piled neatly in front of him. He took the top one and began to thoughtfully read through it.

In an office across the corridor, Harry Potter gently hung up his phone. He wasn't sure what to think anymore, his first proper relationship was seemingly over. He looked down at his messy desk blankly, before letting his head fall straight into a pile of letters from the Department of Mysteries.

Draco scowled at the loud thump that came from the office opposite him. How could he, even in all his brilliance, be expected to concentrate with these sort of distractions? Weeping girls on the phone, loud thumps and sobs from the room down the corridor... He should at least have a secretary to deal with it all he mused. And the injustice of being made to work in the same building as that sickeningly good hero of the wizarding world, Harry Potter (or Hairy Snotter as Draco privately referred to him). And not only that! But to have Potter actually in a higher position of power than himself! It was the same blatant favouritism Potter had enjoyed ever since Hogwarts and it disgusted Draco. He sneered to himself and lapsed into a daydream involving his somehow bringing about Potter's demise in the most humiliating form possible.

In the next room, Harry was less pleasantly occupied in trying to remove several memos from various other Ministry of Magic departments from his forehead. Sticky back notes were the latest craze it seemed, much like the recent Muggle clothing fad that had swept the Wizarding World. Even Harry, usually impervious to the latest fashion trends, had felt slightly odd walking into the office in his robes after a while, and had switched to a rather faded black suit he had bought from a second hand shop. Harry's department, the Department for the Protection of Muggles was constantly flooded with streams of notes and letters from other departments, seeing as they had the most media coverage and the interest of the Wizarding World, thanks to being headed by the Boy who Lived.

Harry, having left Hogwarts with top marks had been snapped up by the Ministry and thrown headfirst into running one of the most vital departments, one considered by Dumbledore (who had a great say these days in what went on in the Ministry) to be his speciality, for want of a better word. He was in charge of keeping an entire country of muggles out of danger and even though he constantly felt as if he was one step away from being out of his depth, he seemed to be coping.

Draco on the other hand, had had a far stranger start to his working life. His final year at Hogwarts had been interrupted by his father's death, causing him to lose interest in school and his grades, and fail to take any of the final year exams. He failed (spectacularly of course, as he was still a Malfoy deep down and Malfoys do things spectacularly if they're going to do them at all) only for Dumbledore to intervene and award him with a pass under mitigating circumstances. Draco's plans were in tatters - unable to start in anything more than a menial job with his paltry pass, he took the only position offered to him by Dumbledore, a lowly position of Owl Groomer (oh how he detested those pathetic flying mousetraps)in the Ministry of Magic.

Much to his unsurprise he was soon promoted - at last a well-deserved recognition of his brilliance, he had assumed. He was head Owl Groomer, and then out of the blue he was promoted to Reception clerk half a week later. By the start of the next week he was manning the reception desk himself.

He had now been working at the Ministry for three months and was currently head of the Department of Spellbook Care. He'd already headed four departments, and this was the most influential of them all. Better still he was now on the fourth from top floor of the building, the floor containing some of the most important of departments. Granted he was right next to the elevator at the very start of the corridor, a sign that his department was the least important of those there. Down the far end of the corridor lay the most powerful of departments, including the department headed by that fool Potter.

At least now he was on Potter's floor, it had been embarrassing to work quite literally below him. Even so, as much as he believed that his promotions were simply more proof of his magnificent intelligence and skills, not to mention stunning looks (he was sure that the cute little blonde Secretary to the Minister had fallen for him), Draco found the speed at which he was rising through the ranks slightly odd. Still, he felt he deserved to be at the top and had no complaints, apart from the considerable lack of office furniture.

Draco scowled at the slamming of a door from down the corridor. He heaved a deep sigh as he slid out from his leather chair and strode firmly over to his door. Upon yanking it open though, a startling sight met his eyes. Potter and the Mudblood Beaver were in each others arms outside in the hallway.

Harry had called Hermione just as soon as he had composed himself, and seeing as she had only been 1 floor up from him she had come down immediately to comfort him. Hermione was one of the chief Research Wizards in the Ministry and was at work uncovering possible weaknesses of the Dark Lord. Harry's door slammed angrily as he half fell out of his room, straight into Hermione who had just come running out of the lift.

'Ow,' Harry exclaimed, ruefully rubbing his forehead where he was sure he would have a large bruise in a few hours.

'Oh Harry,' Hermione practically sobbed, putting her arms around him comfortingly and squeezing him.

'I'm so sorry about you and Ginny, but you know everyone did warn you about it. Even Ron agreed that it just wasn't going to work. Are you-' she hesitated '-are you very upset about it?'

'Of course Herm, what, did you think I'd be _happy_? She meant everything to me,' Harry hissed angrily.

Hermione looked slightly uncomfortable. 'Everything? Well you know she did tell me about the time you fell asleep while you and she were hav-'

'-..er,' Harry said ineloquently, cutting her off and going bright red. 'Ah, she told you that did she?' He cleared his throat and took on a more defensive tone. 'Well to be fair, Herm, I had been working for about 13 hours solid and I was absolutely exhausted. I really wanted that relationship to work, you know,' he delivered the last sentence with a slightly accusatory look at his friend.

'Yes, of course Harry, nobody doubts you, don't be so silly,' Hermione backtracked looking worried, '_Everyone_ wants to support you and help you through this. You know how worried we get about you.'

Harry felt slightly comforted.

'Yes Potsy, you know how worried we get about you. Why, I worry almost perpetually about the day your office is besieged by foul-smelling homeless drunkards demanding their suits back off you.' Draco smirked down at the two ex-Gryffindors with their backs to him who had gone stiff with suprise.

Hermione shot a sympathetic look at Harry. "Well you know what I mean." she continued in a undertone. "Get stuffed Malfoy" she shot icily as she swung round to glare at him.

"What the hell are you doing on this floor Malfoy? Been sent all the way up on an errand for reception?" Harry's voice sounded slightly muffled from behind Hermione's arm. He felt absolutely furious at having this private moment interrupted by the most irritating, snobby and downright horrible wizard he had ever come across.

Malfoy smirked. "No Potter, on the contrary, I've been _promoted_ 'all the way up here' from reception, in fact this room here is my new office. I'm delighted to inform you that you have the honour of speaking to the new head of the Department of Spellbook Care."

Hermione snorted with amusement at the words 'Spellbook Care' while beside her Harry looked aghast at the prospect of having to work on the same floor as Malfoy. Things had definitely taken a turn for the worse.

Draco sneered one final time at them both and slid back into his office, the door clicking smartly shut behind him.

'Honestly Harry, did you hear that obnoxious prick?' Hermione was striding forwards aggressively, talking to Harry.

'Department of Spellbook Care, _honestly_! Can you imagine anything more _ridiculous?_'

'No Hermione.'

'I bet you anything he only got that job by sleeping with that silly girl in the Minister's Office. What's her name? Daphne?' She angrily pushed open the door of the staff cafeteria, letting it swing shut behind her, unfortunately nearly hitting Harry in the nose.

'Yes Hermione.' He sounded slightly muffled as he clutched his nose in a dazed way.

'I'll certainly be talking to Dumbledore about this! He's gone too far this time, he really has. It's just so _infuriating_!'

'Yes Hermione,' Harry said, gratefully taking a seat next to Arthur Weasley, with Hermione in front of him. Arthur winked, 'Found out about Draco's sudden promotion have you, 'Mione?'

Hermione looked slightly sheepish, 'Yeah. It's just that some of us had to actually work to get up here, you know. That lazy Ferret's never done an honest day's work in his life! You know that, Arthur.'

'Well of course that's true, but Dumbledore must have his reasons for…'

They both glanced at Harry.

'Wha-at?'

'Ah,' said Hermione delicately, and went up to get some lasagna for herself, leaving Arthur with Harry, looking uncomfortable. Harry looked mystified and curious at the same time.

'What did she mean, Arthur? What's Dumbledore up to now?'

Harry's questions were interrupted by a new voice on the scene.

"Hello hello hello! What's all this then? The Boy Who Lived all by himself? We can't have that now, can we. No, don't you worry, I'll just plonk meself down here an- Oh, hello Arthur,' Bruce Naum, red faced and blonde haired, bustled self-importantly over to Harry, Hermione and Arthur's table. Harry gave an imperceptible groan.

'Hello Bruce,' Arthur said pleasantly.

'Hello Bruce,' echoed Harry somewhat more sulkily.

'Now then Harry! How've you been getting on? Want me to set you up with that cute little Korean chick who was asking about you last week?'

'Er, no thanks,' Harry said stiffly.

Arthur shot him a sympathetic look which revealed that Ginny leaving him really hadn't been as big a surprise to everybody else as it had been to Harry. He looked miserable, and started nibbling his fingernails as he waited for the dinner queue to die down. He didn't know how Hermione stood being squashed by all those office clerks. Although admittedly he doubted any of them pinched _her_ on the arse at every available opportunity.

The younger office girls were absolutely depraved, he mused, ignoring Bruce who had begun a long story about a box of office paperclips.

'Are you ok, Harry m'boy?' Arthur asked in an undertone, seeing his expression.

'Yeah I guess so. I take it Ginny told you…?'

'Yeah. I'm very sorry to hear about it,' Arthur whispered, looking comforting and awkwardly patting Harry on the back.

'And then of course, the Minister commended me for my bravery, and I merely filed the paper clips away. Just like that! Can you imagine it, Harry?'

'Er, yeah,' Harry said.

Bruce looked at Harry expectantly, as if daring him to come up with anything to top his story.

'Of course I'll refuse any medals for it,' he finished, satisfied that Harry wasn't going to reply.

Harry rolled his eyes inwardly. Bruce was famous throughout the building for his stories, all of which had only a bare element of truth in. From the sounds of it, this one hadn't even managed to achieve that. He resumed nibbling on his index fingernail.

'Harry Potter! Now what have I told you about that awful habit? If you're not careful I really WILL bring in nail varnish and paint it all over your nails until you stop that,' Hermione said sharply, coming over with her tray of food.

'Sorry 'Mione,' he said absently, removing the offending digit, and was about to launch into a plea for her not to paint his fingernails bright rouge red, when he was interrupted by a noisy flurry of people pouring in through the double doors of the canteen. Underneath the din he could just make out Malfoy's drawling tones. The flash of cameras caused him to yelp and leap straight upwards, instincts kicking in. After years of being chased by the press, cameras of any sort automatically switched him into the Harry-Run-And-Hide mode. It took him a few seconds to realize Hermione had also risen, somewhat more gracefully, and was yelling angrily at the barrage of photographers and reporters, who were all crowding round a central blonde head. Harry started to feel slightly foolish, and slowly sat back down again, hoping the reporters wouldn't notice him.

He glanced back at Hermione, who was speaking to a security guard and gesturing wildly in the direction of the press. Photographers and reporters were barred from the Ministry, unless issued with special warrants, and of course this was done very rarely. Traditionally the Minister went to speak to the Wizarding world outside the London headquarters.

'Mmm, well, of course I _am_ in a great position of power here in the Ministry, I'm afraid I international circumstances mean I can as yet not reveal what… But I _can _tell you that without a doubt, the Minister is hiding several of the red-backed Snorkel Crainge species here…. ….. …. No! they don't have wings you fool. Of course they don't. They're… red. Yes, that's right, I've seen them before, I-'

'Malfoy! What the hell are you talking about?' Harry said angrily, standing up. 'There's no such thing as a Snorkel Crank-'

'Crainge,' Draco cut him off smoothly.

'Whatever, ferret-boy.'

'Mr Potter, Mr Potter, would you then say that you disagree with Mr Malfoy's statement?'

'Mr Malfoy has actually seen the Snorkel Crainge with his own eyes, are you disputing this?'

'Would you say that Mr Malfoy is _lying_, Mr Potter?'

'Mr Potter, will you issue a-'

'No!' Harry glared at the reporters in irritation, who were by now struggling against several security guards. 'Now fuc-'

'A-HEM,' Hermione materialized at his left elbow and coughed meaningfully at him.

'Er, that is,' Harry carefully rephrased, 'you're not issued with passes in the building, so kindly leave the premises.'

Draco glowered at him. 'What's the matter Potter, scared of the big bad cameras?' He hissed in an undertone to Harry.

'And you can bugger off too, Malfoy you irritating git,' Harry shot back quietly.

'Irritating git am I? At least _my _father didn't mate with a four eyed Mudbloo-'

Draco was cut off by the force of Harry's fist in his stomach.

'Oomph.' He stepped back and appraised Harry, who had somehow covered the intervening space between them in about 2 seconds.

'Now, now, Potsy, don't lose your temper,' he pushed Harry hard into a nearby table for emphasis.

Harry stood up threateningly. It was amazing, he reflected, at just how little time in the same room with Malfoy he could stand before he had to punch him.

'Oh dear,' Hermione said to herself softly as the photographers began to snap away, and the reporters hands blurred over their notepads. She gave up on the situation as being out of her control, and went out to go gather more guards.


End file.
